# My Highly Technical Garden Seat



## Coleve (Oct 31, 2012)

Hi there Fraternity.

What are you doing. Working on highly advanced technical things. Oh, came the reply as she wandered suspiciously around my inner sanctum. 

What’s that’s she enquired, pointing to my Baileys plane. It’s a plane I answered. Is it highly technical she asked? Yes, very I answered again. More wandering ensued. 

What’s that she asked, again. It’s an orbital sander I again answered. Is it highly... yes, it’s highly technical I finished for her.

I was getting worried as I hadn’t worked out her strategy yet. I couldn’t concentrate on my technical things, and she knew it. 

More touching my tools, and she wasn’t putting them back in their allotted spaces. She even lifted one up.

I could feel the sweat trickling down my spine. What are these things she asked, you know perfectly well what these things are I answered? Tell me again I forget. She has never forgotten anything in her life. 

Her comes the rub I thought.

They are garden seat bench ends I reminded her. Are they old she asked? Yes, Victorian I replied. Look good in the garden came the reply. I’m sure they would but I’m really busy at the moment. What, with highly technical things she said with a hint of sarcasm underlying the statement.

Busy with what she probed, haven’t you just spent the last day completely cleaning your workshop. Yes. Well don’t you always clean it when you have finished a project. Yes, and I’m getting ready for an important new project. What’s that, she inquired. She was backing me into a corner and I don’t mean the workshop corner.

I couldn’t see a way out and worse still I didn’t have any highly technical project in mind, and she knew it as she circled me like a cheetah chasing an antelope with a broken leg on the Serengeti plains.

I was beaten, submission came with a sigh and an OK. 

Oh, thank you dear what a surprise, can’t wait to try it out and off she trotted out of my once sanctum after having a very successful hunt.

So, lads here it is my cheetahs garden bench. 

I was given the bench ends many years ago from a friend of my son who had no use for them.
He worked in an engineering factory that had an industrial shot blast facility and he thankfully took them back to bare metal for me. An indication of the quality of the metal is demonstrated by the fact they have been sitting in my workshop for approx. 20 years and there was only a very light dusting of surface rust that was evident.

I wire brushed them and gave them a couple of coats of grey spray paint, finished

As for the length of the seat, they are normally about 5 feet, but my good wife wanted a smaller profile so ended up 4 feet. The wood was a 4.8metre baton of 145x45mm structural redwood, just cut into 4 and sanded and sanded and sanded. Ended up going to 150 grit. 

Didn’t want the boards too light so 3 coats of antique stain and two coats of exterior polyurethane satin clear did the job.

Now you may have noticed one little visual anomaly. The Victorians were a lot smaller than we are today and when I positioned the back-rest boards to the front of the cast iron uprights the actual seat was far too narrow, so decide to fit on the rear instead of the front and its not perfect but acceptable.

Had to bore larger diameter bolt holes in the cast frames as I felt they did not have the structural integrity to keep the cast frames upright and solid, which proved correct. 

I had to cut the bolts to length and didn’t like the thought of having exposed metal ends and I had just bought a touch up kit for my car which was iridium grey, so one coat of primer and iridium, and just as a was about to finish off with the clear lacquer coat my wife appeared at my side. What are you doing she asked? I’m protecting the cut ends of the bolts. But they are already done she noted. Yes, I’m clear coating them now. What for she asked, incredulously. It says it on the instruction sheet I offered realising at that moment that I had just taken this too far, clear coating the end of the bolts Doh!

In all the cost was £56 i.e. £26 for the wood and the rest on varnish and ironmongery.

So, lads that’s it. The Serengeti is once more all quiet. Hopefully my pet Cheetah won’t have to feed again for a while.

Colin
Scotland


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## CharleyL (Feb 28, 2009)

Colin,

A beautiful bench and story. 

I have been cornered frequently by my Cheetah as well, and it always has ended with me building something that I had not planned on building, or was putting off as long as I could, before the encounter.

Charley


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## Larry42 (Aug 11, 2014)

Been there! Two wifey projects currently awaiting. 
Nice story.


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## Knothead47 (Feb 10, 2010)

Very nice.


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## JOAT (Apr 9, 2010)

Hey Colin, that technical garden bench looks pretty darn good. Hope the wife likes it.


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## DesertRatTom (Jul 3, 2012)

Amusing as always. Nice little project, I'm particularly fond of Redwood outdoors. It holds up very well, finished or not. But now that's done, what's next? Better start something before the Cheetah strikes again.


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## JOAT (Apr 9, 2010)

DesertRatTom said:


> But now that's done, what's next? Better start something before the Cheetah strikes again.


Hehehe


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## Shop guy (Nov 22, 2012)

Nice bench. I enjoy your stories as they are always amusing.


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## RainMan 2.0 (May 6, 2014)

Very nice , but I’m even more impressed with your outfield table / workstation. Love to build something like that someday


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## old55 (Aug 11, 2013)

Very nice.


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## Coleve (Oct 31, 2012)

Hi
Thanks for the comment. If you are interested I did a complete build of the outfeed table in a previous post. May give you some ideas on your own. Didn’t cost that much just a couple of sheets of 3/4 ply, some 4x2 batons and a whole load of pocket screws

Colin


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## marecat3 (Nov 30, 2010)

The bench looks great.


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## sreilly (May 22, 2018)

RainMan 2.0 said:


> Very nice , but I’m even more impressed with your outfield table / workstation. Love to build something like that someday


Agreed, that bench turned out great. But I have my eye on the miter station.......I have maybe 4-5 plan sets and don't like any one enough so it will likely be a hybrid of some sort. But now I'm hijacking the thread...........

Great bench and backstory Colin.


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## Bushwhacker (Jun 16, 2009)

My Sandra will come to me with a sketch of something that she wants built. A Stand , a Storage device over her computer desk, or a picture torn out of a magazine from the doctors office. I have learned to just get busy on her projects because there will be no rest until it is finished.
The other day she came to tell me that she needed a sliding shelve for her pots and pans cabinet in the camper. It would be easier to get to them that way. I went out and did some measurements, knocked the shelve together and went out to fit it. Since I did not notice a gas pipe running down the back of the cabinet ( it is on the floor below the oven.) The drawer would not go all the way in. I had to tear it back apart, cut off 2 inches and rebuild it. Then run to the store for the slides.
She loves it.
Today she says, what do I think about shelves with a little lip on them in the upper cabinets to keep cups and such from sliding around while driving.

You are not alone my friends. 

David


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## DesertRatTom (Jul 3, 2012)

We thought our ladies liked our looks and/or prospects, but really, they just wanted us to work on their projects and ideas. The good news is that most of us appreciate the opportunity to earn husband points--which a volatile and can vanish with a single, thoughtless word.


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## Multiwood (Feb 24, 2013)

Interesting as always Colin, nice bench too.


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## doglover85 (Jul 4, 2018)

Beautiful, great bench


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## DesertRatTom (Jul 3, 2012)

Now you need to make some small side tables so you can sip your tea together of an evening. Watching the sunset together can soothe savage beasts, perhaps even cheetahs.


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